i have Realized…

Today marks another year of my existence. 

As I continue to surgically dismantle my mind,  I write these realizations as reminders to myself. 

…

I have realized that I am most blissful when I run and write. It is the place where I lose myself and enter into communion with my innermost realizations and deepest tragedies. 

I have realized that once you have a realization you can NEVER go back.

I have realized that we are so conditioned to methods, processes, prescriptions, frameworks that we forget that we cannot force things upon creativity and art. For that naturally arises. 

I have realized that a human is a human first. When we put them into the category of friend, colleague, lover, therapist, guru... we ascribe to them certain characteristics that they are not capable of satisfying. This lack of understanding leads to incredible disappointment and the perpetuation of problems. 

I have realized that all of our biases, beliefs, inclinations, desires, thoughts harden into what we come to identify as “I, me, mine."

I have realized that for so many years I have allowed myself to be enslaved by the mind for two reasons: I thought I was in control and I had the illusion of time.

I have realized that any attempt to make the bitter taste sweet, prolongs illusion and falseness in the world. Society prefers to tap dance around the Truth.

I have realized that any ‘how to’ creates bondage and dependency and takes you NOWHERE. When one insists upon a method, he becomes blind to the Way. 

I have realized that we are so mesmerized by the idea of knowledge, yet all it does is fill your head with information.

I have realized that we tend to intellectualize everything to a fault. Analyzing everything ultimately leads to paralysis about everything.

I have realized that there is great ego in self-improvement. Man feels good when he self improves. This isn’t good or bad. However, the image that is constructed and then occupied by the mind is equivalent to building a house on shifting sand. 

I have realized that circumstances don’t cause pain, they reveal it. And believing otherwise is a waste of a lifetime.

I have realized that there is a big appetite for relief from problems, yet no one is truly serious into inquiring why this is so. 

I have realized that it is not about the journey, but about the destination but since the only loud speaker that is heard is from society, no one questions this. To the man who slaves away hours in ‘hard work', do you not want to reach the time when you have earned enough wealth? To the man who lives under the weight of anxiety, do you not want to reach the moment where you remove it from your life completely without ever revisiting it again? For if there was no destination, no one would begin any journey.

I have realized that any doing is reactive and thus false.

I have realized that questions create the path, answers remove one from it.

I have realized that nature is indifferent to everything. Yet so pure and graceful. So unforgiving in her ways, we really only get one shot.

I have realized that when there is the purity of Love, there is no pain. What most call love is fundamentally attachment.

I have realized that language is the poorest form of communication. Words can get you into the area but not the experience.

I have realized that Seeing and Understanding are the purest form of doing. The only impetus for change. And no, that does not mean you should prescriptively seek out to watch thoughts or forcefully understand. Should's are the poison of this world.

I have realized that the opposite of pain is not happiness, it is freedom. Thus, humans do not really seek happiness, they seek to not suffer.

I have realized that if we were whole within ourselves, nothing would bother us.

I have realized that without drama, humans would not know what to do. Freedom scares them.

I have realized that in order to be present, one must be absent. If one truly wants to seek the moment, the moment must mean more than everything else. There can be no experiencer. There can be only the experience.

I have realized that I do not view my self but rather my self views me. Yet, we are conditioned otherwise.

I have realized that chasing pleasure is the road to misery. Again, there is nothing good or bad about this. It is just that it leads to problems.

I have realized that any attempt of trying to help another is a charade. It is but another way to gain significance in ones own life.

I have realized that whenever there is a consequence for an action, fear naturally arises.

I have realized that any universal or commercialized meaning we ascribe to life turns people into invalids and sincerely offends the artistry, ingenuity, and potential of a human being.

I have realized that the perfect decision has no reaction or interference. It produces no internal conflict.

I have realized that when conscience does not open its mouth, neither does fear nor does excitement.

I have realized that the reason that no one ever looks at where they are is because they are too busy looking at where they should be.

I have realized that the mind hopes. Hope creates fear. Fear creates anxiety. Anxiety creates a visceral tension that ultimately robs you from creating art.

I have realized that children have unlimited energy because they are not weighed down by thoughts, needs, progress, or ideals. Children are free, adults are not.

I have realized that learning can be done forever, but discipleship cannot.

I have realized that the object of devotion matters not, only the level of devotion.

I have realized that man does not seek information, he seeks permission.

I have realized that the ability to curve involuntary thought is the single most direct pathway to achieving everything that you want in your life this very instant.

I have realized that the last comment will sound spiritual. But it need not be. The spiritual world is a very disingenuous cast of characters; with empty attempts to make the harsh sound poetic. The so-called spiritualists have not arrived anywhere themselves, and then they go about trying to teach you how not to get there either.

I have realized that everything fades and loses its luster. From the moment we are born, and despite what we do or what idea we adopt or what behavior we tailor, nature does not compromise; it takes its course without consulting us.

I have realized that man functions by what he prioritizes most.

I have realized that when we fight with another, it is our own uncomfortability that we are fighting with. There is NO ONE else.

I have realized that freedom that leads to the desire for more freedom is NOT freedom but a pleasure chase.

I have realized that there is an appetite for Truth. Where most fail is in listening to the mind tell them that they need the audience to understand. Any suppression is regression.

I have realized that there is no exact turning point in life. It is all a cloudy affair. However, a crisis can indeed make a big impact on someone’s life if they naturally turn inward and examine it as oppose to suppressing it or avoiding it in an empty attempt to temporarily numb the pain and feel better.

I have realized that anything that arises naturally, must leave naturally.

I have realized that just how salmon embark on their run at the latter part of their life in accordance to the circle of life, everything begins with the Truth and ends with the Truth.

I have realized that the Truth is bestowed upon someone once they sincerely and desperately want to know. It is delivered when nature, or the universe, or the ether  knows it will be in safe hands.

I have realized that as you read this, your mind is reading it much closer. Changing this and that. Ignoring this and that. Praising this and that. And since you have such deep respect for your mind, it will be received as gospel.

I have realized that these Truths will not be understood by the masses. It is somewhat pointless for me to write any of this but I do so as a reminder to myself.

…

Where is it that I want to go?

I want freedom from my mind. No, not happiness. No, not sadness. Nothing else matters.